Which Way??

I guess it is related, not wanting me to get too many big sizes files, that may make people jealous or stress me out, or whatever. I'm given a rush file, to be signed before CNY. What makes me furious about this is that, you have 2 person discussing taking 1 small file earlier in the day, then push me to do that rush file, and robbed me an opportunity to go out for stock take. That surely make me furious, cause to me, stock take is fun, so when people ask you to work instead of play, what will you think. Moreover, asking me this busy people to do file, instead of the either one of the no job people, that's unfair, to say the least. And seeing the situation, I don't expect myself to get any files until after CNY.

But I'm worry too, with that stupid comments of jealousy, that I may not get what I want. Again with the wishes, can't really control it heh. I guess, I want to do Wah Seong, the biggest one, again. I mean, its fun and very challenging, especially the consolidation account part, very very largest, one of the most bad-ass type. But yeah, I want it. I thought of it last week, that I maybe the one taking it, but now, not that sure of it anymore. Cause you see, someone might want to take it. Take a hint, F&F with Zuwen, that's already a very big hint, but I'm 100% its impossible this time, cause there's Southern Perak as well, and finalizing F&F is a very big challenge. But there's another competitors too, but what I guess, one will be busy in F&F P&L, then Transport, but Transport might be done before CNY, cause, what's tough is the HP and DTax. But with one year of experience, it won't be that tough, I guess. So, that's my competitor. Also, PWDE, one of the most annoying ones around, and the reason will be: You haven't cleared PWDE. I don't know, that might happen, heh. Just see, I'll try to clear out PWDE before CNY, which won't be a big stepping stone on after CNY arrangement, but also a big shield to avoid going to EAE any means necessary. I once told myself, if I'm not in charge of anything, I have no means, no heart to do anything else, so, yeah, that's it.

Another thing that bugs me is also the senior issue. Do I have a chance to get promoted? Cause I think, with those stupid comments out there, I think I deserve it. I mean, look at Philip before he got promoted, he was doing those big annoying files, then, a while later, he got promoted. So yeah, if you ask me, of course I want to get promoted, I just don't say it out, not to sound so desperate. I'm not sure whether it will be like last year, where just before CNY, they announce people get promoted to senior. Of course, the  situation and circumstances are way more different than now, doesn't it, heh. 

Not just about salary, position and recognition, I guess, personally, somewhere inside me, I want to challenge those seniors out there, to be a better rounded senior, like Sam, he's a great rounded senior, among all. Also within our group, I think sometimes the file arrangement is a bit ridiculous, so to say. Sometimes you see so many people going, over capable people doing smaller files, etc. So, if I'm given the opportunity, I want to balance it all out, drawing out a year plan, fit for everyone, and stuff. But hey, its all talk, nothing could be done, if I'm not given the opportunity. Seeing and accessing the situation, I now can say the chances are quite slim, in my opinion. Although I'm told that I have future in this firm, but, what does that mean, do I have a chance to get promoted? I mean, it's kinda so many unknown, frustrated when you don't know if you get the chance or not. Look at us, look at our group, having only one senior after one year still, its funny. It shows that we might have a chance for that final spot, yet, so near yet so far, do we actually stand a chance for that? Kinda funny heh. But hey, just relax and do my thing. If it was meant to be, then it will. Just like last time, I was frustrated for being seen as a shit, but now, totally different. Perhaps I should just wait it out, if it is, then it is. Be it. Relax.

I guess, that'll be it. Senior, can I finally get a hand on it, or it's gonna get to the other person. I mean, I'm now a serious  threat after that 'jealousy' thing. So yes and no, I'm worried about my future in this firm. But right now, just relax and do my thing. 

Till then,

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Ridiculous

To say the very least, I surely think it is way too ridiculous. The more I think about it, the more it gets to be more ridiculous in my aspect. Gosh, I've been trying so hard to achieve what I want, shine through bunch of people, and in the end what I got is 'red eye' a.k.a. jealousy from people. I mean, how did it happen? Why would people think that?

Last week, we've got a short interview session by our very own supervisor and senior. Truthfully, some of the comment I get is kinda shocking, in good and bad of course. But yeah, for the good stuff, I'm truly honored on how they view me, my achievements so far and recognition. While for the bad stuff, I didn't really realize it is that bad, perhaps I'm way too over when I carry myself, when I talk to people. Yeah well, I've got that problem before, I've tried to reduce the sarcastic-ness of the way I talk, but uhm, seems like people can't accept, so no, still gotta change. My soft skills, need lots of improvement.

There's all but one final comment that I got, that people got jealous and 'red eye' of my achievements. Initially I was like so shocked until I don't know how to respond, then I thought 'That's the most ridiculous  stupid comment that I've ever had'. One thing good is that my abilities and achievements are being recognized, that people see me as a serious threat. On the other hand, I started thinking, who's that bloody moron that makes such comment? Cause I've been taught, don't be jealous of people, what can you get from them? Turn around, look on to them, and tell yourself that you can achieve as much as them too. So, to me, when I first join this firm, I was like the ultimate underdog that people won't care about, like I'm just some shit sitting over there. That got to me, I wanna change that view, prove that I got it. So, of course, with some  motivation from others, looking upon capable people instead of being jealous of them, the whole 2013, I'm out to prove people wrong, and I did it.

I still don't know who's the moron, but I got a few targets, yet, the range is so big that I can't really know who makes that comment. So, whatever, go F yourself, get a life dude. Ridiculous!! What I don't understand is, there's people last time, that also shine very bright, like Karen. She got lots of chances, I mean, outstations, taking major files, outside audit with big cases and opportunities as well, but why nobody is jealous, but I got that red eye? Unbelievable. Maybe because I'm not as outgoing as she is. Shit. Honestly, I kinda look upon to her, cause, she achieve so much in short period of time as well, so, kinda like want to achieve what she got. Perhaps because she is a semi-senior that time, and suppose to perform that well.

As I analyse, it all maybe come from CKPF, PWDE & HC. That's the only answer that I got. I mean, CKPF & HC were not even mine to take in the first place, they were given to me due to some circumstances, while PWDE, still, I'm the only available an suitable person, I mean, I didn't even get Ujung groups', it were given to others. hush, whatever. What I'm trying to express is, I'm just utilizing every single opportunity that was given to me, is that wrong? Did anybody have any idea how much stress and pressure I had during the time? Having my assistant chopped half way through, then with only 3 days after, I need to go to another company, and needed to finalize before I start my study leave, which also leads to another bigger source of pressure, studying for 2 papers. Gosh, damn it! In the end, all I get was jealousy because I always take big files. Seriously?? 

To you suckers that doesn't know how big stress and pressure I've had, I actually took extra study leaves to get away from work, and I just left files at there, not wanting to finish it up, nor clear all the stupid queries, it's just pure stress. Maybe others view it as another stuff, I don't know. But hey, I didn't ask for it, I was given the opportunities. Suckers. Worst comment ever. Definitely don't know what to do with that.

Perhaps I should be more humble, control my emotions very very carefully, and also giving wee bit motivation and recognition to people. It does make a difference. Small motivation/praise but big result, why not, taught by a friend. Yeah, it does need time. With December files, pretty sure I can use this opportunities to change my negative image, and also to try something new, do something different, be a different, and a much more humble person, and still, keep the passion to fight go on. I should soften my hard exterior, on the mean time, balance it up, still keep on fighting, be a better capable person, be a senior, show people what I got, or maybe a better senior. Yeah, I guess that will my 2014 resolution, at least until peak this year. That should do it.

Till then,

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

What if....what if???

It has been going for a while now, 'what if it does happen? what if it does really happen? How should I do or react by then?' I haven't told anyone about it, cause I don't think it'll make any point or any difference at all, up to this point.

Being off from work nearly 3 weeks, man, that's kinda fun. Pretty much care about nothing other than your studies, that's the fun and also tortures part. Hmm.. how should I begin. Last 2 times when I was off for study leaves, some stuff happens. Both time is kinda shocker actually, in which I thought over and over again, the opportunity could be mine if if I weren't off. First up would be first outside audit, I mean, when you work until certain level, you will want things. Well, due to exam, I missed the one that is actually booked for me. Then I found out there's another case, and I missed it, passed up the opportunity, for someone that is somehow a wee bit junior than me. I mean, we came in about the same time, just time I'm permanent with 3 months industrial training, while she's just a trainee. However, people don't view things that way heh, they see her as a star, bright star, good potential junior, while me, not the same case.

Second time would be last exam, I found out she got to lead an outstation case. Damn it, outstation, I actually thought it was mine, but yet, so near yet so far, not mine. That's when things got tricky and funny. So what now, is this some kind of serious warning not to underestimate people. Well yeah, I never underestimate this one, until that outstation case, although later there's ESE & CTM in which I'm to lead to bigger one, has put me at ease, for a while. Just that not only files, cases can used to define person's ability, it includes other ability as well.

As mentioned in previous post, where out of nowhere, G asked whether I got a salary increment, which would mean the senior promotion, in which days later, Philip got promoted. That's when I got the hint. Well, not just kind of thing I want to miss out. With the help of cell phones and internet, I cannot be sure whether I was the only one asked, I mean, obviously, there's other two capable persons as well, ain't it. Though people once said I was on the line or something, well, times goes, things changes.

Recently, my salary is supposed to have increment, yet I don't. It could be very well mean, time is soon, company just wanna save that increment; or it could very well be I totally wrongly interpreted stuff, it was just an error. Nevertheless, I wonder what could actually happen? What if one of my competitor got promoted to senior during my absence? There's that.

I really have no idea how to react to this, I mean, this could way causes me to throw resignation letter. Seriously. Maybe I'll just fake a smile, congratulate, and continue my job. I mean, never had one person with slightly lower capability than me, have a higher post. Well, it does during Form 2, when one the girl got leader, while me just assistant. And, I don't really feel bad, by the time, and after that, she prove to deserve that position. Form 4, nah, I even got more and higher post in the committee board. 

Well, I prove to a fierce competitor, taking tough files like EAE Transport, Pacific World, CKPF, Passion Trading etc. While my 2 competitors, they're not weak as well, I mean Gemilang, PKM, ISS, Metro etc. Although I might seem a wee bit stronger, but things is changed and different when goes to the higher authority - the bosses. If my initial hunch was right, I was supposed to get promoted during October, along with Philip, but I guess they can't, I mean, there are reasons for 'not getting promoted', for many reasons. Obvious ones would be capability, seniority, as compared to Philip. 

This question has been going through my mind over and over again. It's not that simple for not getting promoted during October, there has to be some reasons, at least. Then another Q will be what if one of my competitor got promoted during my exam leave, I mean, things has happened before, I mean, shocker stuff, this is kind of a shocker as well. Gosh, I just wish to get this Q out of my head, at least until my exam is over, totally had no idea how am I going to react. Totally absurd.

Hopefully my initial hunch was right, about salary no increment and yet to promoted, then recent salary yet to increase, means about to promoted, me going to EAE F&F (initially) and stuff. Just hope thing will go my way. I mean, senior, salary increment, who doesn't want? It's a title, rise in status, pride and stuff.

Huhhhhhhhhh... gotta keep my head clear, FOCUS ON STUDIES ONLY!!!

Till then,

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Am I just a soldier - Part III

What now, that we're just part of your armies? One of the soldiers under your wing? Jeez. I'm frustrated. I'm not sure whether my earlier hunch is right or not. Firstly, regarding EAE F&F. I got a hunch from Garret that he want me to be the person in charge, cause he says he plan to delay, until we're back from exam leave, but it'll be too late by then. So, nothing can be done, and wrong timing, I didn't get to go to interim. Maybe finals, but we'll see how things goes.

Second, me finally got a chance to be promoted to 'Sergeant' as well. It happens when G asked whether I got an increment of salary, out of nowhere, cause he never asked me that. Then, days later, Philip got promoted. Hmm.. my guess is, he thought I was going to get promoted as well. Sigh, maybe not now, maybe during Chinese New Year, hopefully, hope it is earlier. But, it could be he asked others as well, not just me. 

With current situation, me playing with fire, by leaving such mess with CKPF, some mess with ESE (no big deal) and Pacific World (not under my control/expectation), I wasn't sure if I were to have any more chance now. It does break my heart, a whirl on my emotion, makes me think, 'Am I just a soldier', where people can just assign or order you to do stuff, a secondary officer, upmost. Yet again, being seconder and stuff, it exist last cycle, and G sees through me. This time, I don't know how to deal with it. It sucks.

I'm tired of this, started to lose passion, like my work is not being appreciated. I did my best in work, communicated well with clients for work, speedy work, did not really make fool, or have fool in office. I mean, I did, but controllable. I did the best that I can, still, I feel like I was treated like thrash. Instead of pushing others, asking others to do their best. Urghh. 

I can never forget the reaction, when I passed my leave form to you. Jeez, asked to stay for another day, cause everyone's going EAE, and office needs to have someone. Aren't those people that did not participate in EAE not human? Not enough to handle, and also 'you haven't cleared all you stuff'. Damn, I hate that sentence. Logically, no one can 100% cleared their stuff before on leave, stupid.

So, what I do, I play around fire, purposely not clearing all my queries, and I just do what I want. And also, not submitting files, leaving messes and problems for others. So what, since what I've done is not very much appreciated, so yeah, I'm going to send a reminder to people. I don't care, whatever. Since during May/June, same old things done by others, and you did not react much, so yeah, I'm doing what others are doing. So what, others can, I can't? This is ridiculous. Or maybe I think too highly of myself, giving myself too much credit, nahhh, I'm just being ridiculous, did not live up to people's expectation.

Anyway, what done is done, I had my revenge. -evilly grinned- Alright, all is good, that I've bitch enough here, time to get back to my studies, still got loads to go. Should focus, stay focus, right now, that's all I can do. 

Study smart. FOCUS!!

Till then,

-yeEvoN_Dutch-  

Am I just a soldier - Part II

Well, this continues from last post. Things don't just end in this way. After I'm back from my exam leave, of course, life goes on, you still need to work. There I've given 3 files, like within days. Immediately it was like, WHAT? Do you think I'm some kind of superman? Just because I on leave for 2 weeks, I got extra 2? This is bullshit, I got more files compared to others. 

Which bothers me the most is CEMB, damn, not even begin when the documents were sent in before I on leave. And oh, you just sub the file to me, stating that it is quite tough for junior. This is bullshit, can't you look properly before assigning it out. I don't mind getting more files, learn new stuff, but hey, don't simply sub out the files for others before making sure. Due to this, it's like harassment from Jessica like at least 2-3 times per week, on making sure the file is done. Shit. What have I done to get this.

And right after that, when I successfully submitted all my files, you tried to sub another file that already been assigned out, again, again, again. This time, go fuck yourself, I'm not buying your story on learning Loke's work done, way of work etc. Immediately I was like, seriously, do you really think I'm taking your shit. No way, so of course, I tell him my thoughts and proposed another deal, in which I'll take one of the last remaining files for December year ended. And yeah, it does happen, can you really imagine if this to be taken by your first choice? Or maybe any other juniors? I'll bet they can't do as fast as I do. 

Continuously, well, this had to take like 2 same level sergeant to tell you, don't take corporal level soldiers like us to be your first assistant. It's Hang Tuah, how big deal could it be. Karen only took Philip, Jack and Stephen. And you, being more experienced than Karen, compared by timing, want to take Wen Ya? Then, you plan to let god-knows-who to in charge of CTM, when you yourself  know what's up. I can't believe you actually plan that, and took others to make you see what's wrong. Jeez, seriously. Here on saying juniors should learn more and stuff, and you just let them continue to be 2nd & 3rd assist. 

Well, that's not only it. Central Kedah outstation as well. It was a little bit over the edge don't you think? Taking such a strong team, too strong don't you think. Jeez. You are just lucky that Garret has a situation, and ended you review it. Imagine Sonia or Eva is your assistant, not saying they can't, just a lot more difficulties. Just lucky. Try to imagine if Garret does not have a situation. Hmm... that'll create a lot of topics. Taking me as your assistant, so that you can save yourself trouble. Well, well, well.

Next up would be Pacific World. Personally, I'm thrilled to have this file, I wanted it. Yet, you did something that actually was the opposite of Garret said, he said that he would not limit our outside audit days, unless client does not allowed. Here you are, against his words, limiting me 8 days, when previous year, 10 days, 4 people. I only got 3 people here, champion! I know the deal, there's much more urgent cases on hand, and you need to reallocate people here and there, to balance it out. Then, days later, claiming that I can go as long as I want, and giving up one of my assistant to Ujung Pelangi. So now what, limiting me at first place, then cut my girls, then saying I can go as long as I want. Seriously, I want to to bitch slap someone right here. Well, thanks to your '8 days limit', I was under pressure, and actually skip many steps on order to reach your time limit. Then saying your won't limit me anymore. Shit. Wishy washy. In the end, I only go like 6 days total, with last 2 days with only one assistant.

Then Hotel Continental, yeah, I know the deal, so I take it, without complaint. But you should know the deal, no more files, no more pressuring me for anything else. Even Garret knows what's up, so no more. So, when you show me your bitchy face regarding Central Kedah, immediately inside me, it was burning up. So now what, what do you want, ok fine, I'll play with you. 

For this issue, I purposely not clearing all the queries for CKPF, just do my own files, not even prepare it properly to declare ( I got reason to cover it), care about nothing. Leave problems, messes, queries behind, and also, on leave earlier than scheduled. I'd inform you on this matter week earlier, don't say I don't say it earlier dude. 

Talk a good game, saying lesser people show your abilities and stuff, use shorter time to complete file etc, to me, its just like you are just slapping yourself in the face. Talk a good game, but never actually did it. Just like Hang Tuah, seriously? And now EAE F&F, yeah, I know the deal, and planning to have Wen Ya, Kenny, Li Fang & Rebecca for interim. And hey, INTERIM only. Jeez. How many you're gonna take for finals, like 10, or maybe whole office, there, used up all the resources. There you are, monopoly all the resources, people for your own benefit. You yourself should know, more people means more trouble in finalizing, jeez. 

Tune in for next chapter.

Till then, 

-yeEvoN_Dutch- 

Am I just a soldier?

Right now, I don't think I should be doing this, I should be studying for my upcoming exams, P1 and P3. By hey, I need to blow off some steam over here, there are things that keep on going around my head and I could not shake it off. Probably over here, I can shake some of them off.

It's work, the more I think about it, the more it keep on going around. I always wondered why nobody commented on such actions, behavior, and manages to make it seemed logical and sound. To me, it was like 'what is going on?'

Since beginning of year, things have been shaking up a little in the office, people are resigning, power struggle between superiors, experience people are getting lesser etc. Thus, it leads to group restructuring, and uhm, I can proudly say I'm still in the same group as before, under the same person, in group where other supervisors regards as thrash, garbage, and whatever it can be named. How should I put this, hmm... I love being an underdog, I've been in this position before, and I know how satisfying it is when you get to prove people wrong, that we are not thrash, we are champions, people that can actually work together. As I speak, our group has managed to achieve all the above, show others that we can actually work together well, and also the most harmony group among all. 

However, good things never stay long, well, not what you think. I think it is much more like power struggle, recognition, individualism for me. Our group is still as harmony as ever, that's the good news. Or perhaps, I asked too much, didn't perform as others expected. Anyway, it has bugged me months now. Shit.

I guess it started on mid April, when 'Sergeant' happened to forget what I told him the week or day earlier, which don't assigned anything to me on coming Monday, I've booked outside stat audit, and he assigned a case for me. When I got back to work on Monday, of course, I got mad, and he promised to do that on behalf. I did not care that much on that time, and continue to the new case. It never occurred to me that, he is the type that will assign others to perform stat audit. And as I expected, he ended did not do, and claim that he got a urgent thing on his hand. I was like, Ok, go fuck yourself. Messed up people's plan, make people break promises, and act innocent, as ever. Whatever.

Second will be during mid May, when I was about to on leave, for my studies, and meanwhile, rushing for files to be signed as well. I've got a urgent case on my hand, to issue draft before on leave, and you assigned me to assist another file, right after that urgent case outside audit. WTF. Yeah, I know that I'm the only eligible candidate, I don't mind assisting, but wrong timing dude. Why don't assigned the other person, why, is it because she still got other urgent case on hand well? Damn, so unfair.

Next would be I'm being kept in cold storage right before on leave, with the claim of 'clear and signed all your files', I was like, 'WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING YOU JUST SAID?', bastard. Already tried my best to issue draft level for all my files, I mean like literally all, who else did that? fuck shit. I've told you the situation, and no use keep me at office, not much can be done, sign all? I only manage to sign one, others will have to wait due to client issues, pending and stuff. This has literally cross the line, seriously. 

So, what I get from here is that, don't issue all draft level before on leave, don't complete your files that fast, hold on to it, until it start to get 'rotten', or rushed by clients. Yeah, that's it, so that I can avoid all these nonsense. Idiot! 

When you did what others has expected, they will continue to push you. And they seems to show little appreciation for what you have done. I'm not saying that I'm very good, the only ace in the group, but hey, looked around, you did not submit files yourself, you have yet cleared all the queries, did you even did your part to rush juniors to submit files, or maybe more concern on what is happening with the juniors. Did you push them enough, did you control the virus, shit. I've tried my best not to create problems, or lesser problems, yet you cross the line. Shit. Push me instead of other much more bigger problems. 

Next chapter, to be continued.

Till then,

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Dilemma - Part 2

His stupidity never cured, I mean, its ok if you wanna come to me, but not during a camp. He wanted to make me wet, licked my pussy, have sex, admit having feelings for me and other sex talk. Firstly, of course I was shocked, I never had a guy telling me so many things before. Even back in office, I have sex talk with guys too, but not like this. He touched me several times, even until that part, when I pushes his arms away several times. He even asked me to go back to Penang with him, but I rejected, cause I know something bad could really happen. Yet, he still never stop pursuing me.

He is right about me being horny, wanting to try stuff. Who would not want to. When you're until a certain age, without a boy friend, you certainly wanted to try something new. Watching porn does not mean I'm slut or being horny, its like you have to try or know something, like a sex education class. So that you won't freak out when it eventually happens. 'Freak out', right, that's what I am experiencing that night, I freak out, but luckily my DM mode still intact, still knows how to reject him. Probably because he has a girl friend, makes me reject directly. If he is single, I might have done that with him that night. Just maybe.

Then when I am back in Penang, when I had my mind cleared up, I decided I could try something here, without needing to worry about scout and stuff. Its like cheating during exams, you have to wait until the right moment, when the teacher is not looking and stuff. For me, it is like that. We had a movie night on our first date, and man, he is really aggressive and does know how to a girl wet and high. We made out, talk a little, and he thought I felt something for him. Well, I did not really have a thing on him, I just wanna try something new, but I'll just let him think that way. It's easier.

Over the week, we hanged out, dated, make out and one night he proclaimed to be my boy friend. Oh boy, is he being too naif or what? Just a few dates, not even a week, you proclaimed to be my boy friend. Man, this is just an affair, not a relationship. Though I treat him kind of booty call or FWB. Surely not my boy friend. Well, he also tells me that I am his princess although he know he is not my prince. I chose not to believe this crap, because you know, guys words are not be trusted fully.

And things changed recently. I actually get angry at him for not accompanying me on 201314. He send me a text earlier that morning, saying he love me, I actually don't take this shit completely, as he could say the same thing to his girl friend as well. Initially, I plan to make him say that word to me, not just by texting, but to actually say it out to me. But it did not work, cause he's not around that night. My mood is definitely affected, I couldn't work, there's 2 freaking important file to be cleared ASAP. So, what I do is take it out on him, telling him not to bother anymore. He called and we made up, but I'm still emo whole night. 

While I'm emo-ing, I start to think why would I get angry at him? I wondered if I start having feelings for him, cause that's the last thing I want it to happen. Or just because I am not happy cause I feel stupid, and I did not go back to AS this weekend. I still did not figure it out. 

And today, it is yesterday to be exact, I ask him to enjoy his day off, cause his girl friend is around, and I don't expect any calls or text until he is free. Then he called me at night, like taking the opportunity of the short moment while she is off to buy things and stuff, the call started nicely, until he said she's coming back so he had to end the phone call. I dunno what the hell happen to me, I send him a text saying I feel like being treated like a booty call, do this again and I won't pick up his call anymore. Hmm...I should have typed I won't see him anymore. I think I just want to teach him a lesson, and to see what his reaction is. It is fun to make him feel anxious, nervous and him all over me.

As a typical guy, he called me hours later, guessed when he is free or she going for bath, but I just ignored his called. Mainly cause I still wanna see what his reaction is, and also I was wearing my retainer, lazy to talk. No talk, then he send me a text, apologizing, saying I meant something for him, not a booty call n stuff, but I haven't reply anything until now. Man, this guy is serious, I guessed. But he still has not earned the way in, cause he did not do it right. 

What I want is much more traditional, proper dates, proper normal talk and sweet talk, able to share things, connect together, maybe some presents, and not just make out or sex. I am not saying it's not important, but just not the main ingredient into forming a relationship. And he never gets it, only tell me to 'enjoy the moment', and always wanted to have sex with me. At this rate, this is only going to be an affair, what we do is just made out and sex. Part of me wanted to remain like this, cause I don't want to developed too strong feeling or fall in love with him. It's torturing and complicated, especially when he already has a girl friend, proclaiming he love me only. Yet part of me wanted him completely, do much more traditional stuff , having a relationship that would consumed me, but I dunno how to settle the his gf problem. I really can't imagine if she knows about us. I think she will get crazy and mad, and my reputation will be gone immediately. I certainly don't want that.

So, I keep on telling myself not to fall for this guy, it's just an affair, where he could never earn his way into my heart, and I am actually waiting for another guy to take action. For real, I really hope 'he' will take action, but my feeling towards him starts to fade, I dunno what to do. Just wait and see what happens then. Hope I can achieve what I want, and avoid being a slut and lose my reputation just like that. Totally not worth it.

Yet, I feel like I started to have real feelings for him. I get mad at him. It's not right, it should not have happen. Hope time could prove that this is wrong, I never intended this to happen. Perhaps just a crush, it is still acceptable. Real feelings, I don't know what will I do.....

Till then

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Dilemma - Part 1

They say Gemini has two or more personalities/mindset. Well, I am a typical one, because I am in a dilemma, not sure whether I should continue doing this.

I met this guy years ago during a camp. To be exact, it is during STC 2010. To be frank, I don't have strong impression on him, other than he is good in photography cause he posted all the photos of the camp. At that time, he already has a girl friend, right until now, they are still together, looking good and strong.

I don't know whether it is due to my own stupidity or him being too aggressive, he came at me, after a brief sex talk, due to I am chopping cucumber. FYI, I was preparing sandwich as supper on the 2nd night of Carnival Camp 2012. Before the sex talk, he already make some moves, in which I didn't notice until now. First most obvious is during Trang trip, where my sunglasses is either gone or spoil in 2 different occasion. He then offered me his new glasses to wear, I don't think that much obviously, just wanting to wear something. What to do, Thailand weather is compatible with Malaysia's, equally hot.

Next should be right during Carnival, he just put his hand into my jeans pocket, which I can't remember how many times, to put/get eclipse and car keys. At that moment, I really feel weird, why is he acting like that. I mean, not even my own close girls do that to me. Its not the first time, he been acting like that previously, touching my arm n stuff, but that night is really aggressive among all. Still, I didn't really cared cause I thought he is like that, not knowing he actually has a thing for me already. Hmm...I wondered when, should have make him admit that to me. LOLs

Before any of this happen, to me, he is a total idiot. I mean, just look at how he behave at night during camps. He would sleep with his girl friend, either in a tent or car, together. Like together. Gosh, its like, this is a camp, a scout camp, discipline above all, and you choose to sleep together. What an idiot. Everything he did this, he will get it from David Chiam, scolding him for being sleeping together with Rabbit's 'kid'. Not once, but several times, yet still behaving like that, so, I don't know what to say about him. An idiot should be enough to describe him.

More to come

-yeEvon_Dutch-

FedUp.Depressed.

Another week has gone, a very critical week. My plan has long off the path since Tuesday. Why? I don't how to say it, just purely fed up. I guess when you have put it up until certain level, you just do not know how to deal with it when it overflow. Purely disappointed with myself. Pure disappointment. 

Why is there such type of people. Not serious in doing their job, talk crap all the time, on top of that, the quality produced. Crap with colleagues occasionally is alright, but hey, do your job ok. Make sure you are doing your job while you crap. Now you are a crap. Guess I finally understand why Garret won't allow trainees to assist him, only will guide them, that's the maximum. The quality produce is a total disaster. 

First of all, when someone tell you to amend your stuff, my god, just go ahead and amend it. I mean, I won't ask you to amend unless unnecessary. But in the end, what did you do? Let's see, amended but feels like it is still the same, did not write the adjustment inside the working paper, and plug it the wrong figure. WHAT THE FUCK is this. Nearly 2 months of training, still got such mistakes. Totally unacceptable. But what can I say, I am the person in charge, I should bear all the responsibilities. You know what, just....nevermind, just my luck to have such stupid assistants. Better don't tell them all these complaints in front of them. Who knows? One day, they maybe better than me, become my superior or manager. Life is this funny. Just bear with it I guess.

As I was on the brink of breaking down, which I did not really show it out, which is just sit at there, giving no expression, and just do my work, and almost zero talk. Then here comes my senior. He explains everything about why assigning trainees to assist me and stuffs, then I realize that yeah, it does makes a point. Being in house file gives me more time to do my job, and at the mean time, also test on my knowledge, tactics and the way I deal + guide trainees. Just reverse the situation, what if this is my first outside file, having 2 trainees under me. One thing for sure, I will sure burst into my boiling point and become mad, crazy, abnormal. In short, this is another type of training he planned for me. But hey bro, next time, don't give 2, just one ok, cause one is quite enough.

What else. I think there is something funny, funny vibe going between him and Jenz, cause he keep on saying stuff like his audit career in MR is kinda too smooth, as he always have good assistant assisting him in doing files. Well, I don't really know about that, but ever since I join, yeah, he always have good assistant, either in house or outside audit. But I thought you planned that for him, so why do you complain about this now? Kind of slapping yourself in the face dude. Then, saying that Jenz have difficulty in outshining others, I think it might be coming from the rumours, saying that Jenz telling others that he is going to be a senior soon. Probably about people resigning and him having chance to get the senior post.What ever, I do not know.

I think Jenz also have some being too self conscious problem, just look at his current Teow Joo file, me and him, we kinda having same problem of wiping people's ass. His problem could actually linked with mine, cause the way my assistant do her job, is a product of his assistant guidance. Drawing filthy brackets, uncoordinated, work done, bad presentations n etc, almost similar pattern. Jenz saying about not having the power to tell his assistant about his mistake, but hey, aren't you the fucking SIC, more experience than him and all. Come on, don't worry about position, just worry about your ability. Speechless. 

I don't know whether I'm thinking too much or something, but I got a feeling that Garret try to push me up, very up, probably higher or same wit Jenz, within Group D of course. We still got 2 members, but one is associated with LEH, which he kind of dislike, while another is still under probation until this month, so just see how things patch up.

One of the thing that bugs me is I lost the chance to go to Peking Hotel for outside audit. Awhhhh....disappointed, I thought I had it in my bag, going for that during December, after my exam. Once I heard Steven and Lee Ming go for that, it was like thunderstorm for me, then I got to know that it was reserved for me, just that the audit period is during my  study leave, so, no choice, I can't go. Still until now, I do not know if I am the SIC if I go to Peking Hotel, cause Garret kind of hinted, but the more I think, the more it becomes illogical. Cause obviously, there is still other people that haven't got chance to become SIC (first outside in charge), how can mine be so fast? People waiting in the line is Philip, Lee Ming and Yi Hong, there's 3, how is it possible that I could jump into the queue, sure got people complaining, have comment. Anyway, I no longer have to chance. 

Priority now is study full power for P2, and settle partly of GY, pain in the ass product. Lots of damage control. That will be it. 

Until then,

-yeEvoN-Dutch-

Another Meltdown??

It's been real farking long since my post, purely due to my laziness, start my first work and also study part time. I'll get back into these details later. Right now, what I really need is just express my thoughts out. Period. As this week break is going to end, its bugs me more to my breaking point. Gosh, just hope it wont reach until that level.

On my studies, things are getting real bad as November is going to end soon, meaning December is going to come, so does my exam date. Arghh, I still got much to go for my studies. I could barely remember what I just studied days ago, and I can't even try out the questions on my own without referring back to the answers  or study material. What the heck is really going on? I certainly do not hope to fail this paper. Choi!! Touch wood touch wood!!!! 

Next would be my own study arrangement, which part should I start or focus on. ACCA exam is much more different than university exams, where the tips given is sufficient for you to get a B. But this, this is real tough man, real tough. I am very worried. Period. Can I get through this rough patch? Hopefully I can, or else I'll be damn. Not just disappointing, but humiliating as well. Personally of course. 

Enough about it. Coming up would be work. Man, lots of stories and stress come from here. Firstly, I was given the file Golden Years, instead of assisting Moliform. Hmm.... this is actually a great chance for me to really perform. But, I feel like ever since going out assisting G-Technologies and Hotel Continental, my speed  has decrease compared to my previous files. Probably I am moving to the next level, where I should do tougher parts or something, but seriously, I am very worried about the efficiency on the job.

Regardless, hope things can get better as times goes. Getting GY is a real challenge, lots to learn, lots to deal with as well. Splitting the accounts, what the heck in the world would it happen to me. Due to internal conflict, auditors kena.. Brava!!! Never mind, I'll just take this as a way to train myself and to learn more stuffs. Things happen.

Then it will come to the people assisting me. Frankly, I do not like the idea of having 2 trainees to assist. First, the time used will be longer, then the quality of work will be affected. My first assistant is ok, listen to what I said, can see that she is picking up. But please, stop asking me every single thing that could just ask client. Deal it yourself! That's the part that annoys me the most. The second assistant, the original assistant, but just keep on doing her own file and neglected my file. Damn, not only not listening to what I say, but keep on needing me to remind and tell her to do stuff. Gosh, it is super annoying. Top of that, the speed is super slow. They were supposed to finish up their part right before I finish my part, cause they got 2 people for one part. Seems like there will be lots of damage control to be done by the time when I fully checked their work. 

I know I should not be bitching about them, but for god sake, they are real slow. No wonder Garret choose not to care about trainees. Furthermore, I can't imagine what will happen if those 3 continues to work as permanent later on. Sure lots of comparison going on. Gotta keep my cool, its my file, I am the person in charge, I should not show this out to them, this is not right. Honestly, if they were to have training in Lim Teoh instead of MR, I cannot imagine how many scolding or harsh words will be coming out every day.

Keep on asking on every minor things, which Jenny/Ms Tan hates to answer, slow speed, Mr Lee's buddy, keep on doing wrong stuff, this happens on every trainees, even myself last time. But on top of that, what annoys me the most is they never use their freaking head to think before asking. I mean, maybe they did before going out for help, but dude, just write down your queries and ask client in one shot. Don't keep on referring to me. Its not that I do not want to explain, just that I also got things to do, and I am not good in explaining stuff, I only know how to make it happen. Damn, it is just so annoying.

So, it does feel real much better after bitching it out here. Blogging is truely my confession buddy. Great place to release it all out. Anyway, it felt good, I should go back to my studies or whatever I was doing.

Do the right things, Do things right?? Taught to me by daddy, really useful, new inspiration.

Till then

-yeEvoN_Dutch- 

I Had Enough!!

Going for a trip is supposedly a happy and excited thing, where you can truly enjoy a holiday with people you wanted. But for me, it was like a nightmare, boiling point to the max, and dealing with a bunch of bitches.

First of all, as I was doing laundry at noon, received a text about "open fb chat at 5pm regarding our trip to thailand". Most utter thing that came into my mind..."what?", why the hell in earth do you want to wait until 5pm to discuss, when the discussion could be right away. (p/s: last day of air asia promo to thailand). Whereby it is the last day, shouldn't the discussion started earlier, and 5pm is a good napping time by the way- BS 1.

Tried the calm and make myself happy and excited, surrounding myself with positive energy so that I won't sound bitter for the discussion later. Then I hooked myself up with those funny comedies, action movies, open the speaker volume to the max, sing song like a mad person, etc to make myself calm down, and it is also a nice way to spend a day. Should do this more often. Yeah~~~

Then it comes to the worst part of my day. Discussion at 5pm, and there were only 2 people online on that time. For that moment, I knew my hunch was right during noon, where you set an online discussion with this group people, no body will even take you for serious. Then slowly, there were only 2 additions, until the end of discussion. There were supposedly to have like around 6-7 people having discussion, ended up with 4, what a combination, brava~~

I had to say, it started off quite smoothly, like confirming numbers of people, transportation, date and etc. It goes on smoothly, until certain issues come up, and they expected me to do what as they say. I wanna say, FUCK OFF, DON'T EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO. My another trip to Taiwan had already fixed since last year, and everyone knows about it, no secret. The flight back and forth from Alor Star-KL-Taiwan had already been booked, just waiting everything to go on its course. Here comes the issues:

(1) Date

There's a one week gap between last paper to Taiwan. Choosing after exam rather than June because one of us gonna defer, OK, I'm can deal with that. It might be a very adventurous holidays for me. Taiwan trip starts on 15th morning, I had already told you I had to be back latest by 13th, so that I can pack up my stuff here in Kampar, drive back to AS. So that on the 14th, I can start preparing another trip, and I have a flight to KL that night as well. Then comes the fun part, told me that our trip is until 14th, and also told me might as well stay at KL and fly to Taiwan at 15th. Easy for you to say, but SHUT UP! NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO, where it leads to another problem.

(2) Luggage

Weather and surrounding in Thailand and Taiwan is completely different. It much more towards beach style in Thailand, and shopping style in Taiwan. Which means I need to pack to different sets of clothes in my luggage, did you ever think about that. Please enlighten me, will you have enough clean underwear for 2 weeks? I certainly don't have, and you want me to carry dirty laundry to Taiwan for a week? Yeah, sounds like a good plan too, and who's gonna pay for the overweight luggage? You? I certainly don't mind that. Will you? I don't think so.

(3) Room in Kampar

Expect me to clean up my room after I return from Taiwan. Hello, are you out of your freaking mind? I'm certainly not. Having 2 trips in a shot is fun, but tiring as well, it is a known fact. Clearing out a room is very tiring, plus if you gonna drive back to AS after that. I've tried that before, and beats me out right after I reach home. It's already tired of the trip, and you expect me to clear off my room after that? Easy for you guys to say, you guys either live in Ipoh or Ansun, which is only like 40 minutes drive from Kampar. Come on, for me is 3 hours plus. I'm risking my life and other drivers too if I were to do this. Wake up, come on.

Another thing, there's people coming in for the room. Late check out means people could not move in ON TIME. I don't know who's gonna rent this room, but what if the person is coming for orientation? Then it means he/she could not use the room until I vacate it. Savvy? I'm not causing inconvenience to other people, since the last tenant didn't cause any for me.

(4) Transportation

The mode of transportation would be flight, obviously. But since we're going after exam, air ticket would be very expensive. So, I suggest why don't we take flight from PENANG-BANGKOK, then local transportation to Phuket/Krabi. Sounds logic for a suggestion. Then here comes another bitch, as insensitive as ever, saying the stupidest thing of all. "Penang only for local flight", what the fuck is that, are you out of your freaking mind? Everybody knows Penang's airport is known as PENANG INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, its a fact, Google it, and I'm saying fly to Bangkok, not Phuket. I do my homework OK, I know there's no direct flight from PG. Its just that we have to go South, then fly North, seems a bit inappropriate. Anyway, my idea was banned directly, cause it's not convenient for us anyway, so I guess we'll fly from KL.

Nevertheless, there is still another discussion on this coming Tuesday, so I'll see what result we can get. I only have one bottom line, be back by 13th to Malaysia, or else I'm off this trip. I'm not gonna please everybody else and cause so much trouble and super inconvenience to myself. Its a no brainer, I would rather not go to the trip, than not having a great during the trip, its too much of opportunity cost and problems arises. I don't care of pissing people off, you can't satisfy and suits everyone, I really had enough for this thing, I'm not gonna be a puppet and please everyone else, its not me, and I certainly will call this thing off at worst case scenario.

Until then

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Lonely is My Middle Name

It was like destined or something, where I can never get along with people, let it my family or friends. It just it, breaks my heart sometimes. Love is really a powerful thing, especially family love, you can't trade it. Although my family members always annoy me in different ways, by the end of the day, I'll just get through it, and they'll still talk to you, care about you and most importantly, love you. It is just so hard sometimes, having a break down, and have no one to go to. It really does.

I received a phone call from mom this morning, y'day morning to be exact, asking like am I coming home soon, and what am I doing. Well, it is a bad timing, calling at that time, because I just woke up, my brain is not functioning. And I just answered that I was doing assignments and stuff, preparing to go to class and that's it. Had an immediate meltdown right after that. Gosh, what did I just say to mom, so stupid, should have think of it before saying it out. Damn, I think I just hurt my mom's heart. I mean like, although we don't get along, but still she's my mom, and I care about her, I love her. It hurts a lot, though I did not show it out. Even right now writing this out, I'm still very emotional and hurt badly because of something stupid. Fuck it.

Its always like that, get emotional, slamming everything out of my face, alienated myself from everyone, even an invitation to go shopping. Why am I always not in my right mind?? I have been acting weird lately, be a loner, talks very little, just do what I want and others. Yeah, I do notice my weird attitude start to bug people around me, just not sure whether they notice it. Whatever, I chose not to care so much about how people perceived me.

Then to the latest news going around, AEON Jusco in Station 18, well, a new shopping complex, with not many stores open. Basically, people are there to just look at the new environment. My friends are there to purchase the T-shirt needed for photo shooting, initially, I was like, OK, do what you need to do, I'll just pay and keep me out of the mess. Then I heard about how they want to switch it up, this and that, also about the class t-shirt, delay here and there. Damn it, can't they do stuff much more efficiently? Sometimes, it makes me sick, seeing stuff are being done like that. That's the thing, always end up people with this kind of attitude. Sadness. Hence, I chose to be silent, let them do the work.

Nevertheless, I still feel a bit bad about rejecting the offer to go shopping. I mean like, just walk around a new place could be fun, but with them, sometimes not much fun. Perhaps because I am not a shopper, or does not know how to enjoy it, yet, just let it be. I am not a person with a lot of fun anyway. The thing is, I don't even know you guys are going there, for real, then all of the sudden just ask me, I feel like no fun at all. I appreciate the offer, but now, maybe not, maybe next time. Wait till I settle the stupid mess around me, assignments.

Anyway, getting alone seems a good choice for me right now, just need to get through some rough patch on my own, get things done, and be for it. Hopefully time can cure my stupidity and emotional rough patch, I really need to get my act together and be a normal person again.

Till then,

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Annoying

Other than my future career/ prospect, what's really bugging me is people around me. Its like damn, these people just can't stop annoys me, or perhaps what they did just annoy me, without realizing that..anyway, its annoying.

First, assignments. Before going there, I would to share something about myself, right after ending internship. Internship, really allow me learn and apply the knowledge learn, with slightly good experience. When I return, I just want to enjoy the last trimester to the max, of course also to give everything I can to the max while doing other things as well.

For assignments, last time I'll bug my friends on how I'm doing my stuff, and this semester, I kinda shut up, a lot. When I'm given a job, I'll just do it, hand it over, and if there is anything to change, I'll make amendment. Simple as that. But please, don't come and annoy me with your part, it freakishly annoying. I know you meant to share your problems and stuff, totally understand, but please, try it on your own, and shut up. I don't know what's getting into me, but I just can't stand people annoys me all around the clock. I really hate it, especially when there is answer available all over the website.

Well, that I can hold up. At least you know what you are doing, and on the right track. What bugs me the most is.....mixed up the question and keep on repeating on the same stuff. Hello, the question ask for CAPITAL ALLOWANCE, not REINVESTMENT ALLOWANCE. Damn it, fuck, do you even use your brain to think, and use your eyes to see?? Just because the first sub Q is about RA, does not mean the remaining things is about RA as well. If it wasn't for the finals, I won't amendment your part myself. Gosh, read properly.

That's not just it. Don't even understand what the question wants, shit. Initial losses incurred, it is group relief. Why do you keep repeating on RA and CA again. Damn, unutilized then just carry forward, simple as that. Duhh... Constantly blaming people for not understand you, blame the Q paper for not getting good results and etc etc. The thing is, you never make effort in understanding it. Gosh, I'm not in position to question or judge you, but hey, get a life, suck it up. In this age, yet acting like a kid.

If it wasn't for the finals, where the lecturer mention it is important, I won't even bother to make the changes myself, I'll just push everything back to you, and wait for it. But right now, for the finals and as I'm not in my real self, I'll redo the part, and won't even bother to tell you that. Simple as that, close case.

Next should be on people. Fuck, why these people can't get their act together faster? Going for a trip and photo shooting is a happy thing, yet I don't get or feel any happiness at here. If you wanna do or plan something, make it earlier, do some research and planning. Personally, I REALLY HATE TO RECEIVE SMS DURING MIDNIGHT!! U think you sounded polite, but hey, can't you send your text earlier, like 10-11pm, don't you know after 12 is totally off limit, although most of the people has not sleep. Fuck off, I hate it. Now, I shall see, how can these people get their act together. Real sad to see, I have again engaged with people with similar attitude, just makes me sick to even think about it. Hardly ever get people like 38 gang, lots of politics going around, but it shows they are getting their act together.

I guess I'll just have to wait on how things will come up. Hopefully it would be a good thing, getting a fantastic trip, as a wonderful ending for my university life.

Till then

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Future Career: Penang or Singapore?

These few days, a lot of things have been bugging me, like to the max, causing my behavior to change occasionally. Where sometimes I would talk normally as usual on one hand, and then total silent later. Well, this kind of thing always happen when my head is full of stuff.

Hmm...Where should I start then?? Perhaps as per the title, my future career. Seriously, I have never thought of having a career in Singapore until few days ago, which makes me really think a lot, and also how to achieve my life target. Ok, everyone knows Singapore's job is very stress, but come on, high pay, high work load, make sense, and uhh.... the are more opportunity right there, compared to Malaysia. I mean like a job with a pay of $2000, really helps me a lot in paying off my debt (car and study loan) within 5 years, and still have a little savings, that can allow me to further my studies later on. I have always wanted to go overseas to study, getting a MBA, a fact that not much people know about it. By working in Singapore, I could fulfill my dream, and the payment, I could settle it on my own. Oh yeah, baby......on my own, no longer depending on family or getting a loan.

But, I'm still scared...like I've never work so far before. Getting to a place where you prefer to go shopping, not many close friends over there, barely know what's happening over there, etc etc. Its kind like a brand new challenge for me, to do something that no one around has done before. I've been looked down all my life, partly because of my own stupidity and laziness, and mainly living in my family's shadow. I don't ask for much, just that I want to out shine from the shadow, letting people know, I am yeevon, not just my parents' daughter. I wanted this recognition, it really means a lot to me.

So, I really have to get my ass up to prepare the relevant documents for applying a job, like real time. Not much time to waste, exams are coming up, assignments due, most importantly, my study life is gonna end, real soon. I think my own deadline gonna be by this weekend, really gotta send out those application, to see whether I stand a chance to get a job there, and then start getting torture for 3-4 years, and fulfill my dream.

Conversely, if I were to follow the status quo and work in Penang, man, I'm gonna be broke and even ask money from home, with no savings at all. I mean like a job with may RM2000, 90% of it I'm gonna spend on paying car and study loan, food, transportation and home only. There's still 10% left, but I think I'll just spend it without realizing it, maybe for entertainment hence, no savings at all. How can you possibly live in Penang without entertainment, its totally absurd, hence the no savings. Worse still, if I only get RM1800 after EPF, total broke before the end of the month, as the food there might be tasty, but expensive like hell. Unlike in Singapore, the food is affordable, granted that you earn sing dollar, instead of RM.

Well, that's my case for working in Singapore. On the mean time, I do not plan on telling anybody other than those who has already know it. Maybe my family, hopefully they will support my decision, since my first class honor brother absurdly does not want to work in Singapore with his excellent results. Perhaps, me, the shadow daughter/sister could really make this work, outlive myself, outshine and shock everyone when the time comes. Meantime, I need to search for potential company, start applying jobs, keep my mouth shut on my plan, and just BE PREPARED!

Hopefully this works for me, to have an achievement I've long craved. Suffer for 3-4 years to achieve my dream, what a plan...YEAH BABY~~~

until then

-yeEvoN-Dutch-

Moronic Chapter 2

More details from the previous blog...

'pls respect your fren'. Damn, did you respect ppl in the 1st place. Normally guys 吹水 in conversation, that's normal. But sometimes, don't 吹水 in serious stuff. I heard from other people what's your requirement, YOURS, not OURS, of the 5th FYP member beginning of the semester. (1) good command of English (2) CGPA > 3.0, in the list (pres/dean) better still (3) very effective and efficient in doing stuff. Hello! We never asked those, you make those up, we ONLY asked for a person that can do stuff, without VERY. Damn, its not like we're in President List, we're only normal students. In my mind, can you get a mirror for yourself? Which criteria did you fulfill? NONE, k, NONE! Your English sucks, CGPA < 3.0, and sucks in handling report 癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉 Shit you man, my reputation is damage cause I looked scary all the time, and S being '串'. With those requirement you want, our reputation is totally gone. If you want to die, die alone, don't drag us into it. And you call all these RESPECT?

Credibility. What you say is totally rubbish. Eg: you tell W that C said this and that, then W told C what you said, and C is totally shock as she never said that. Eg2: You glanced C's blog when K was reading it, then you open C's blog and ask her stuff. C asked how you know my blog, and you say K told you. A friendship is gone because of your stupid mouth. K never show you, you glanced it, and K become the scapegoat. Good for you. I think that's enough, you just like to make up stories and damage people's friendship. RESPECT?

Harassing S day in and day out. You might done your part efficient, very fast, but effective? When you've done, S checked and asked you to make amendment, guess what. It's ok to defend your own job, but hello, just minor amendment, not redo-ing everything. But it doesn't matter on redo-ing, u know why? Copy and paste from other researchers, and putting our report on the higher risk of plagiarism. We want a possible A or A- result, not C or C+ result. and uhh... 'U want me to do a prefect report izzit' Walao, that's the biggest joke ever. Just use your ass and think this time, why would people want you to change if it is perfect? Change means got deficiency and lack of certain points k?

Keep on asking people 'where are you' or 'mana u all'. Come on, how old are you? UTAR is secure enough for students to walk around without afraid to get rape or snatching stuff. Some more, you're not strong enough to protect us. Want to go class then go class la, what for waiting for ppl? Izzit that if we're not attending, you're not going as well? Where's the logic? Study is one's effort and understanding, not through going to class with friends. What else.. keep on asking on small minor stuff that can be get through email and wble, that's what technology is made for. Which venue, what time, replacement or not, just check your email and wble, it's available. Fuck you. Minor stuff also need to ask non stop. If its IDK2 then its IDK2, it wont suddenly change to IDK4 without informing everyone. Brainless.

You want RESPECT, I'll give you mine if you manage to hide under your mom's skirt. Then I'll respect you of being to squeeze inside, and have the dare to do so. You expect me to understand you, why don't you understand how I behave 1st?

忍很久, so? All above happens since this semester begins, you think you're the only one that tahan very long. Not just you, others as well. No point bringing everything up to the table. We're all '醒目' enough to act and not to act at times, unlike you. Destroying everything for no reason. I really don't care if you like me or not, I do not need your respect or like-ness to survive in this world, I still have other true real relationship that cares and understands me. If you hate me that much, and really 忍很久, know what? Just fuck off from my face and social circle. Get a life, suck it up. I DON'T CARE, its not like I haven't done it before.

Till then
-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Moronic Chapter 1

Alright, this is where it'll to my ugly side, still dunno whether to write in chinese or english... guess I'll just mixed it up...

There's just one guy here, never failed to annoy people in any aspect, and also everybody around us. Damn, just an expert in annoying people. No match for him.

Gotta clarify something before I start my story, yeah, I know, I'm harsh on him sometimes, but why la you always choose the wrong timing to talk to me? When I just tell someone beside me something so loud, and you were sitting beside, already heard what I said yet you ask the same question, again. Damn, not just once. Next, I was making fun of people, and why you kepo kepo say something is not relevant, and you say me 'rude'. That's who I am, I wont be acting in this way in front of you, if I don't regard you as my friend. Thirdly, I don't make up stories unless of entertainment purpose, you really aren't trustworthy and what you say does not have credibility, so, I'm just saying your words need to be filtered and ppl laugh. So?? Hello, everyone's words need to be filtered no matter what ok? For you, gotta filtered few layers before using.

The thing is, I said your words need to be filtered. So? Angry then just directly bomb at me, don't send msg while I was driving, nearly bang the divider k. Putting my life at risk, damn. In your msg, 'pls respect you fren', 'i'm the one who dare to tell you this, many people felt this as well'. Fuck you. I don't respect my friend? Come on, that's how I talk with people. Don't you use your brain to think for a moment why people around me is always the same? Because they already get use to how I talk, yet it might be they like my personality of just talking what's in my mind. It shows that I don't hide stuff, no scheming, and true. Unlike you, sms here and there, wasting money and effort. More privacy?? I don't think so. Dealing under table? Yes!!

Only one who dare to tell me this? That's funny. You're not the only one, and certainly not the 1st one as well. My close friends had told me before, years ago until now, still telling me how I should behave. You're not my dad or brother, don't act like that k, its annoying. 'many ppl felt this as well', if there is people who don't like me, ask them to tell me myself, better yet, name them out so that I can find them. Who do you think you are? A representative or lawyer? If you like to represent so much, go study law and represent those who really need help of a true qualified lawyer, don't do it here, you won't get paid.

Next msg, something about apologize and want to become friends again. At first, I kinda ok with that, and try to find a chance to break the ice during thursday 2 in 1 session. Yet, what did u do? I'm not sure whether it is fb virus, or you're d one who really tag me on those stupid pictures. Damn, what the hell are you thinking. Tagging me on a lingerie ad?? What do you mean? That I'm fat enough and can't wear those sexy bra? Fuck you. When I want to buy bra, I'll get my mom to buy for me, no need your concern. and uhh...tagging me again on Voldermort's face? Damn, that's real shitty. That means that I'm an evil psychopath that does not have friends, love, family, crazy for power and other negative stuff. That's it, that's what you want, then you'll get it, I won't break the ice, totally pointless. Another msg, another apologizing stuff, damn, if you really want to apologize, do it properly and sincerely. You don't even know where you did wrong, what for apologize, SAVE IT.

More to come next

Till then

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Year 3

Just notice my blog is full of grass for months now, due to my laziness. *again* Well, I'm not really a word person, so, can't blame me for that. It's nearly end of week 11, and I'm just going to update what's going with my life.

1st thing is I finally shift out from Danish stupid idiot House last April. It was a total relief in terms of rent, transport and people. Kinda shock when my friend said "how come you didn't tell us you shift out?" That's news to me, never it occur to me that I should tell everyone where is my whereabouts. However, in a way, that indicate I still have certain value in the gang, glad to hear that. It's actually no big deal for me, cause you see, stupid DH gonna charge full rental include utility bills during my internship. Err...WHAT!! I'm not using yet you're charging me for it. Alright, I move out and save my money for upcoming graduation trip to Taiwan.

New house is total surprise. Crazy housemates with crazy act, crazy routine. Most importantly, keep up with the craziness, that's my culture and way of life and normal routine. Glad to move out, save rental, bills, and get to meet crazy people, most importantly, RELAX~~~ It's year 3 wehh, gotta get some rest sometime right. With them, total relax, no pressure at all.

Next is I finally got a car for my 21st birthday. yayyyy~~~~ Suzuki Alto in metallic white, a MPV car, save fuel cause it's small and light. Too bad I can't drive it here, cause mom wanna use it. Well, she paid half of it, so, gotta listen to the buyer. So, I get to drive Proton Saga, again, and Toyota Altis for my brother. Great deal for him, internship salary of RM800, relax work, no rent to paid, cause staying in ah ma's house, just pay for petrol, food and bills. Pay installment for Saga but drive Altis. what the hell.

What next. Oh right, studies. Up until now, it's so year 3. Understand nothing for CRCI, partially for MADM, CG and IF. Just hope the history wont repeat itself, or else, I'm doomed.Next week, WK12 is a nightmare for me, why so?? Hmm...let's see.
Monday, normal day Tuesday, CRCI tut 13/14 presentation
Wednesday, holiday but gotta prepare for IF and RMP presentation
Thursday, IF tut 12 and RMP proposal presentation
Friday, study for RMP mid term, and I yet to have a text book
Saturday, morning RMP open book test, where I have no text book, not intend to get one also
evening, go to Ansun to celebrate ah 8's birthday, happy stuff ^^

Sunday, ACCA conference whole day

Damn, my life is hectic and busy for week 12, hopefully I can get through it peacefully

That's the update for now..More to come for the next blog

Till then
-yeEvoN_Dutch-