Lonely is My Middle Name

It was like destined or something, where I can never get along with people, let it my family or friends. It just it, breaks my heart sometimes. Love is really a powerful thing, especially family love, you can't trade it. Although my family members always annoy me in different ways, by the end of the day, I'll just get through it, and they'll still talk to you, care about you and most importantly, love you. It is just so hard sometimes, having a break down, and have no one to go to. It really does.

I received a phone call from mom this morning, y'day morning to be exact, asking like am I coming home soon, and what am I doing. Well, it is a bad timing, calling at that time, because I just woke up, my brain is not functioning. And I just answered that I was doing assignments and stuff, preparing to go to class and that's it. Had an immediate meltdown right after that. Gosh, what did I just say to mom, so stupid, should have think of it before saying it out. Damn, I think I just hurt my mom's heart. I mean like, although we don't get along, but still she's my mom, and I care about her, I love her. It hurts a lot, though I did not show it out. Even right now writing this out, I'm still very emotional and hurt badly because of something stupid. Fuck it.

Its always like that, get emotional, slamming everything out of my face, alienated myself from everyone, even an invitation to go shopping. Why am I always not in my right mind?? I have been acting weird lately, be a loner, talks very little, just do what I want and others. Yeah, I do notice my weird attitude start to bug people around me, just not sure whether they notice it. Whatever, I chose not to care so much about how people perceived me.

Then to the latest news going around, AEON Jusco in Station 18, well, a new shopping complex, with not many stores open. Basically, people are there to just look at the new environment. My friends are there to purchase the T-shirt needed for photo shooting, initially, I was like, OK, do what you need to do, I'll just pay and keep me out of the mess. Then I heard about how they want to switch it up, this and that, also about the class t-shirt, delay here and there. Damn it, can't they do stuff much more efficiently? Sometimes, it makes me sick, seeing stuff are being done like that. That's the thing, always end up people with this kind of attitude. Sadness. Hence, I chose to be silent, let them do the work.

Nevertheless, I still feel a bit bad about rejecting the offer to go shopping. I mean like, just walk around a new place could be fun, but with them, sometimes not much fun. Perhaps because I am not a shopper, or does not know how to enjoy it, yet, just let it be. I am not a person with a lot of fun anyway. The thing is, I don't even know you guys are going there, for real, then all of the sudden just ask me, I feel like no fun at all. I appreciate the offer, but now, maybe not, maybe next time. Wait till I settle the stupid mess around me, assignments.

Anyway, getting alone seems a good choice for me right now, just need to get through some rough patch on my own, get things done, and be for it. Hopefully time can cure my stupidity and emotional rough patch, I really need to get my act together and be a normal person again.

Till then,

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Annoying

Other than my future career/ prospect, what's really bugging me is people around me. Its like damn, these people just can't stop annoys me, or perhaps what they did just annoy me, without realizing that..anyway, its annoying.

First, assignments. Before going there, I would to share something about myself, right after ending internship. Internship, really allow me learn and apply the knowledge learn, with slightly good experience. When I return, I just want to enjoy the last trimester to the max, of course also to give everything I can to the max while doing other things as well.

For assignments, last time I'll bug my friends on how I'm doing my stuff, and this semester, I kinda shut up, a lot. When I'm given a job, I'll just do it, hand it over, and if there is anything to change, I'll make amendment. Simple as that. But please, don't come and annoy me with your part, it freakishly annoying. I know you meant to share your problems and stuff, totally understand, but please, try it on your own, and shut up. I don't know what's getting into me, but I just can't stand people annoys me all around the clock. I really hate it, especially when there is answer available all over the website.

Well, that I can hold up. At least you know what you are doing, and on the right track. What bugs me the most is.....mixed up the question and keep on repeating on the same stuff. Hello, the question ask for CAPITAL ALLOWANCE, not REINVESTMENT ALLOWANCE. Damn it, fuck, do you even use your brain to think, and use your eyes to see?? Just because the first sub Q is about RA, does not mean the remaining things is about RA as well. If it wasn't for the finals, I won't amendment your part myself. Gosh, read properly.

That's not just it. Don't even understand what the question wants, shit. Initial losses incurred, it is group relief. Why do you keep repeating on RA and CA again. Damn, unutilized then just carry forward, simple as that. Duhh... Constantly blaming people for not understand you, blame the Q paper for not getting good results and etc etc. The thing is, you never make effort in understanding it. Gosh, I'm not in position to question or judge you, but hey, get a life, suck it up. In this age, yet acting like a kid.

If it wasn't for the finals, where the lecturer mention it is important, I won't even bother to make the changes myself, I'll just push everything back to you, and wait for it. But right now, for the finals and as I'm not in my real self, I'll redo the part, and won't even bother to tell you that. Simple as that, close case.

Next should be on people. Fuck, why these people can't get their act together faster? Going for a trip and photo shooting is a happy thing, yet I don't get or feel any happiness at here. If you wanna do or plan something, make it earlier, do some research and planning. Personally, I REALLY HATE TO RECEIVE SMS DURING MIDNIGHT!! U think you sounded polite, but hey, can't you send your text earlier, like 10-11pm, don't you know after 12 is totally off limit, although most of the people has not sleep. Fuck off, I hate it. Now, I shall see, how can these people get their act together. Real sad to see, I have again engaged with people with similar attitude, just makes me sick to even think about it. Hardly ever get people like 38 gang, lots of politics going around, but it shows they are getting their act together.

I guess I'll just have to wait on how things will come up. Hopefully it would be a good thing, getting a fantastic trip, as a wonderful ending for my university life.

Till then

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Future Career: Penang or Singapore?

These few days, a lot of things have been bugging me, like to the max, causing my behavior to change occasionally. Where sometimes I would talk normally as usual on one hand, and then total silent later. Well, this kind of thing always happen when my head is full of stuff.

Hmm...Where should I start then?? Perhaps as per the title, my future career. Seriously, I have never thought of having a career in Singapore until few days ago, which makes me really think a lot, and also how to achieve my life target. Ok, everyone knows Singapore's job is very stress, but come on, high pay, high work load, make sense, and uhh.... the are more opportunity right there, compared to Malaysia. I mean like a job with a pay of $2000, really helps me a lot in paying off my debt (car and study loan) within 5 years, and still have a little savings, that can allow me to further my studies later on. I have always wanted to go overseas to study, getting a MBA, a fact that not much people know about it. By working in Singapore, I could fulfill my dream, and the payment, I could settle it on my own. Oh yeah, baby......on my own, no longer depending on family or getting a loan.

But, I'm still scared...like I've never work so far before. Getting to a place where you prefer to go shopping, not many close friends over there, barely know what's happening over there, etc etc. Its kind like a brand new challenge for me, to do something that no one around has done before. I've been looked down all my life, partly because of my own stupidity and laziness, and mainly living in my family's shadow. I don't ask for much, just that I want to out shine from the shadow, letting people know, I am yeevon, not just my parents' daughter. I wanted this recognition, it really means a lot to me.

So, I really have to get my ass up to prepare the relevant documents for applying a job, like real time. Not much time to waste, exams are coming up, assignments due, most importantly, my study life is gonna end, real soon. I think my own deadline gonna be by this weekend, really gotta send out those application, to see whether I stand a chance to get a job there, and then start getting torture for 3-4 years, and fulfill my dream.

Conversely, if I were to follow the status quo and work in Penang, man, I'm gonna be broke and even ask money from home, with no savings at all. I mean like a job with may RM2000, 90% of it I'm gonna spend on paying car and study loan, food, transportation and home only. There's still 10% left, but I think I'll just spend it without realizing it, maybe for entertainment hence, no savings at all. How can you possibly live in Penang without entertainment, its totally absurd, hence the no savings. Worse still, if I only get RM1800 after EPF, total broke before the end of the month, as the food there might be tasty, but expensive like hell. Unlike in Singapore, the food is affordable, granted that you earn sing dollar, instead of RM.

Well, that's my case for working in Singapore. On the mean time, I do not plan on telling anybody other than those who has already know it. Maybe my family, hopefully they will support my decision, since my first class honor brother absurdly does not want to work in Singapore with his excellent results. Perhaps, me, the shadow daughter/sister could really make this work, outlive myself, outshine and shock everyone when the time comes. Meantime, I need to search for potential company, start applying jobs, keep my mouth shut on my plan, and just BE PREPARED!

Hopefully this works for me, to have an achievement I've long craved. Suffer for 3-4 years to achieve my dream, what a plan...YEAH BABY~~~

until then

-yeEvoN-Dutch-

Moronic Chapter 2

More details from the previous blog...

'pls respect your fren'. Damn, did you respect ppl in the 1st place. Normally guys 吹水 in conversation, that's normal. But sometimes, don't 吹水 in serious stuff. I heard from other people what's your requirement, YOURS, not OURS, of the 5th FYP member beginning of the semester. (1) good command of English (2) CGPA > 3.0, in the list (pres/dean) better still (3) very effective and efficient in doing stuff. Hello! We never asked those, you make those up, we ONLY asked for a person that can do stuff, without VERY. Damn, its not like we're in President List, we're only normal students. In my mind, can you get a mirror for yourself? Which criteria did you fulfill? NONE, k, NONE! Your English sucks, CGPA < 3.0, and sucks in handling report 癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉 Shit you man, my reputation is damage cause I looked scary all the time, and S being '串'. With those requirement you want, our reputation is totally gone. If you want to die, die alone, don't drag us into it. And you call all these RESPECT?

Credibility. What you say is totally rubbish. Eg: you tell W that C said this and that, then W told C what you said, and C is totally shock as she never said that. Eg2: You glanced C's blog when K was reading it, then you open C's blog and ask her stuff. C asked how you know my blog, and you say K told you. A friendship is gone because of your stupid mouth. K never show you, you glanced it, and K become the scapegoat. Good for you. I think that's enough, you just like to make up stories and damage people's friendship. RESPECT?

Harassing S day in and day out. You might done your part efficient, very fast, but effective? When you've done, S checked and asked you to make amendment, guess what. It's ok to defend your own job, but hello, just minor amendment, not redo-ing everything. But it doesn't matter on redo-ing, u know why? Copy and paste from other researchers, and putting our report on the higher risk of plagiarism. We want a possible A or A- result, not C or C+ result. and uhh... 'U want me to do a prefect report izzit' Walao, that's the biggest joke ever. Just use your ass and think this time, why would people want you to change if it is perfect? Change means got deficiency and lack of certain points k?

Keep on asking people 'where are you' or 'mana u all'. Come on, how old are you? UTAR is secure enough for students to walk around without afraid to get rape or snatching stuff. Some more, you're not strong enough to protect us. Want to go class then go class la, what for waiting for ppl? Izzit that if we're not attending, you're not going as well? Where's the logic? Study is one's effort and understanding, not through going to class with friends. What else.. keep on asking on small minor stuff that can be get through email and wble, that's what technology is made for. Which venue, what time, replacement or not, just check your email and wble, it's available. Fuck you. Minor stuff also need to ask non stop. If its IDK2 then its IDK2, it wont suddenly change to IDK4 without informing everyone. Brainless.

You want RESPECT, I'll give you mine if you manage to hide under your mom's skirt. Then I'll respect you of being to squeeze inside, and have the dare to do so. You expect me to understand you, why don't you understand how I behave 1st?

忍很久, so? All above happens since this semester begins, you think you're the only one that tahan very long. Not just you, others as well. No point bringing everything up to the table. We're all '醒目' enough to act and not to act at times, unlike you. Destroying everything for no reason. I really don't care if you like me or not, I do not need your respect or like-ness to survive in this world, I still have other true real relationship that cares and understands me. If you hate me that much, and really 忍很久, know what? Just fuck off from my face and social circle. Get a life, suck it up. I DON'T CARE, its not like I haven't done it before.

Till then
-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Moronic Chapter 1

Alright, this is where it'll to my ugly side, still dunno whether to write in chinese or english... guess I'll just mixed it up...

There's just one guy here, never failed to annoy people in any aspect, and also everybody around us. Damn, just an expert in annoying people. No match for him.

Gotta clarify something before I start my story, yeah, I know, I'm harsh on him sometimes, but why la you always choose the wrong timing to talk to me? When I just tell someone beside me something so loud, and you were sitting beside, already heard what I said yet you ask the same question, again. Damn, not just once. Next, I was making fun of people, and why you kepo kepo say something is not relevant, and you say me 'rude'. That's who I am, I wont be acting in this way in front of you, if I don't regard you as my friend. Thirdly, I don't make up stories unless of entertainment purpose, you really aren't trustworthy and what you say does not have credibility, so, I'm just saying your words need to be filtered and ppl laugh. So?? Hello, everyone's words need to be filtered no matter what ok? For you, gotta filtered few layers before using.

The thing is, I said your words need to be filtered. So? Angry then just directly bomb at me, don't send msg while I was driving, nearly bang the divider k. Putting my life at risk, damn. In your msg, 'pls respect you fren', 'i'm the one who dare to tell you this, many people felt this as well'. Fuck you. I don't respect my friend? Come on, that's how I talk with people. Don't you use your brain to think for a moment why people around me is always the same? Because they already get use to how I talk, yet it might be they like my personality of just talking what's in my mind. It shows that I don't hide stuff, no scheming, and true. Unlike you, sms here and there, wasting money and effort. More privacy?? I don't think so. Dealing under table? Yes!!

Only one who dare to tell me this? That's funny. You're not the only one, and certainly not the 1st one as well. My close friends had told me before, years ago until now, still telling me how I should behave. You're not my dad or brother, don't act like that k, its annoying. 'many ppl felt this as well', if there is people who don't like me, ask them to tell me myself, better yet, name them out so that I can find them. Who do you think you are? A representative or lawyer? If you like to represent so much, go study law and represent those who really need help of a true qualified lawyer, don't do it here, you won't get paid.

Next msg, something about apologize and want to become friends again. At first, I kinda ok with that, and try to find a chance to break the ice during thursday 2 in 1 session. Yet, what did u do? I'm not sure whether it is fb virus, or you're d one who really tag me on those stupid pictures. Damn, what the hell are you thinking. Tagging me on a lingerie ad?? What do you mean? That I'm fat enough and can't wear those sexy bra? Fuck you. When I want to buy bra, I'll get my mom to buy for me, no need your concern. and uhh...tagging me again on Voldermort's face? Damn, that's real shitty. That means that I'm an evil psychopath that does not have friends, love, family, crazy for power and other negative stuff. That's it, that's what you want, then you'll get it, I won't break the ice, totally pointless. Another msg, another apologizing stuff, damn, if you really want to apologize, do it properly and sincerely. You don't even know where you did wrong, what for apologize, SAVE IT.

More to come next

Till then

-yeEvoN_Dutch-

Year 3

Just notice my blog is full of grass for months now, due to my laziness. *again* Well, I'm not really a word person, so, can't blame me for that. It's nearly end of week 11, and I'm just going to update what's going with my life.

1st thing is I finally shift out from Danish stupid idiot House last April. It was a total relief in terms of rent, transport and people. Kinda shock when my friend said "how come you didn't tell us you shift out?" That's news to me, never it occur to me that I should tell everyone where is my whereabouts. However, in a way, that indicate I still have certain value in the gang, glad to hear that. It's actually no big deal for me, cause you see, stupid DH gonna charge full rental include utility bills during my internship. Err...WHAT!! I'm not using yet you're charging me for it. Alright, I move out and save my money for upcoming graduation trip to Taiwan.

New house is total surprise. Crazy housemates with crazy act, crazy routine. Most importantly, keep up with the craziness, that's my culture and way of life and normal routine. Glad to move out, save rental, bills, and get to meet crazy people, most importantly, RELAX~~~ It's year 3 wehh, gotta get some rest sometime right. With them, total relax, no pressure at all.

Next is I finally got a car for my 21st birthday. yayyyy~~~~ Suzuki Alto in metallic white, a MPV car, save fuel cause it's small and light. Too bad I can't drive it here, cause mom wanna use it. Well, she paid half of it, so, gotta listen to the buyer. So, I get to drive Proton Saga, again, and Toyota Altis for my brother. Great deal for him, internship salary of RM800, relax work, no rent to paid, cause staying in ah ma's house, just pay for petrol, food and bills. Pay installment for Saga but drive Altis. what the hell.

What next. Oh right, studies. Up until now, it's so year 3. Understand nothing for CRCI, partially for MADM, CG and IF. Just hope the history wont repeat itself, or else, I'm doomed.Next week, WK12 is a nightmare for me, why so?? Hmm...let's see.
Monday, normal day Tuesday, CRCI tut 13/14 presentation
Wednesday, holiday but gotta prepare for IF and RMP presentation
Thursday, IF tut 12 and RMP proposal presentation
Friday, study for RMP mid term, and I yet to have a text book
Saturday, morning RMP open book test, where I have no text book, not intend to get one also
evening, go to Ansun to celebrate ah 8's birthday, happy stuff ^^

Sunday, ACCA conference whole day

Damn, my life is hectic and busy for week 12, hopefully I can get through it peacefully

That's the update for now..More to come for the next blog

Till then
-yeEvoN_Dutch-

A Pain In the Ass

'What a pain in the ass', a term that I've been like to use these few days, cause I really really can relate it to what is happening around me these days.

I've never been this stressed before, just for no reason, I feel like I'm gonna bust out, hitting stuff, saying some bad words. In short, it's my negative side, and frankly,I don't like it, it sucks. What can I do to reduce these? Hmmph...I really have no idea. Like my friend told me, sleep, eat, jump, sport, watch show, hang out, talk, yumcha, these will be the way to reduce tension, and a way not to show the negative side.

Gonna have a presentation this evening, not much preparation is done, cause basically I'm just presenting what I've done, not really a big deal. For some reason, I'm not worried about how I present, or how I manage it, I think I can just go through my own part peacefully, although I always get very very nervous when I'm standing in front. Hopefully it goes well.

However, I somehow got a vision or feeling that something funny gonna happen, and I'll just burst out, right in front of everybody, and it involves 2 person. Damn, it's just a strong feeling that something bad or funny gonna take place, but I don't want that to happen. It's just frustrating, for some reason, and what a pain in the ass.

Alright, it's late night, still got lots of stuff to do. Hopefully it just go on smoothly.

Till then

-yeEvoN_Dutch-