Which Way??

I guess it is related, not wanting me to get too many big sizes files, that may make people jealous or stress me out, or whatever. I'm given a rush file, to be signed before CNY. What makes me furious about this is that, you have 2 person discussing taking 1 small file earlier in the day, then push me to do that rush file, and robbed me an opportunity to go out for stock take. That surely make me furious, cause to me, stock take is fun, so when people ask you to work instead of play, what will you think. Moreover, asking me this busy people to do file, instead of the either one of the no job people, that's unfair, to say the least. And seeing the situation, I don't expect myself to get any files until after CNY.

But I'm worry too, with that stupid comments of jealousy, that I may not get what I want. Again with the wishes, can't really control it heh. I guess, I want to do Wah Seong, the biggest one, again. I mean, its fun and very challenging, especially the consolidation account part, very very largest, one of the most bad-ass type. But yeah, I want it. I thought of it last week, that I maybe the one taking it, but now, not that sure of it anymore. Cause you see, someone might want to take it. Take a hint, F&F with Zuwen, that's already a very big hint, but I'm 100% its impossible this time, cause there's Southern Perak as well, and finalizing F&F is a very big challenge. But there's another competitors too, but what I guess, one will be busy in F&F P&L, then Transport, but Transport might be done before CNY, cause, what's tough is the HP and DTax. But with one year of experience, it won't be that tough, I guess. So, that's my competitor. Also, PWDE, one of the most annoying ones around, and the reason will be: You haven't cleared PWDE. I don't know, that might happen, heh. Just see, I'll try to clear out PWDE before CNY, which won't be a big stepping stone on after CNY arrangement, but also a big shield to avoid going to EAE any means necessary. I once told myself, if I'm not in charge of anything, I have no means, no heart to do anything else, so, yeah, that's it.

Another thing that bugs me is also the senior issue. Do I have a chance to get promoted? Cause I think, with those stupid comments out there, I think I deserve it. I mean, look at Philip before he got promoted, he was doing those big annoying files, then, a while later, he got promoted. So yeah, if you ask me, of course I want to get promoted, I just don't say it out, not to sound so desperate. I'm not sure whether it will be like last year, where just before CNY, they announce people get promoted to senior. Of course, the  situation and circumstances are way more different than now, doesn't it, heh. 

Not just about salary, position and recognition, I guess, personally, somewhere inside me, I want to challenge those seniors out there, to be a better rounded senior, like Sam, he's a great rounded senior, among all. Also within our group, I think sometimes the file arrangement is a bit ridiculous, so to say. Sometimes you see so many people going, over capable people doing smaller files, etc. So, if I'm given the opportunity, I want to balance it all out, drawing out a year plan, fit for everyone, and stuff. But hey, its all talk, nothing could be done, if I'm not given the opportunity. Seeing and accessing the situation, I now can say the chances are quite slim, in my opinion. Although I'm told that I have future in this firm, but, what does that mean, do I have a chance to get promoted? I mean, it's kinda so many unknown, frustrated when you don't know if you get the chance or not. Look at us, look at our group, having only one senior after one year still, its funny. It shows that we might have a chance for that final spot, yet, so near yet so far, do we actually stand a chance for that? Kinda funny heh. But hey, just relax and do my thing. If it was meant to be, then it will. Just like last time, I was frustrated for being seen as a shit, but now, totally different. Perhaps I should just wait it out, if it is, then it is. Be it. Relax.

I guess, that'll be it. Senior, can I finally get a hand on it, or it's gonna get to the other person. I mean, I'm now a serious  threat after that 'jealousy' thing. So yes and no, I'm worried about my future in this firm. But right now, just relax and do my thing. 

Till then,

-yeEvoN_Dutch-