It was like destined or something, where I can never get along with people, let it my family or friends. It just it, breaks my heart sometimes. Love is really a powerful thing, especially family love, you can't trade it. Although my family members always annoy me in different ways, by the end of the day, I'll just get through it, and they'll still talk to you, care about you and most importantly, love you. It is just so hard sometimes, having a break down, and have no one to go to. It really does.
I received a phone call from mom this morning, y'day morning to be exact, asking like am I coming home soon, and what am I doing. Well, it is a bad timing, calling at that time, because I just woke up, my brain is not functioning. And I just answered that I was doing assignments and stuff, preparing to go to class and that's it. Had an immediate meltdown right after that. Gosh, what did I just say to mom, so stupid, should have think of it before saying it out. Damn, I think I just hurt my mom's heart. I mean like, although we don't get along, but still she's my mom, and I care about her, I love her. It hurts a lot, though I did not show it out. Even right now writing this out, I'm still very emotional and hurt badly because of something stupid. Fuck it.
Its always like that, get emotional, slamming everything out of my face, alienated myself from everyone, even an invitation to go shopping. Why am I always not in my right mind?? I have been acting weird lately, be a loner, talks very little, just do what I want and others. Yeah, I do notice my weird attitude start to bug people around me, just not sure whether they notice it. Whatever, I chose not to care so much about how people perceived me.
Then to the latest news going around, AEON Jusco in Station 18, well, a new shopping complex, with not many stores open. Basically, people are there to just look at the new environment. My friends are there to purchase the T-shirt needed for photo shooting, initially, I was like, OK, do what you need to do, I'll just pay and keep me out of the mess. Then I heard about how they want to switch it up, this and that, also about the class t-shirt, delay here and there. Damn it, can't they do stuff much more efficiently? Sometimes, it makes me sick, seeing stuff are being done like that. That's the thing, always end up people with this kind of attitude. Sadness. Hence, I chose to be silent, let them do the work.
Nevertheless, I still feel a bit bad about rejecting the offer to go shopping. I mean like, just walk around a new place could be fun, but with them, sometimes not much fun. Perhaps because I am not a shopper, or does not know how to enjoy it, yet, just let it be. I am not a person with a lot of fun anyway. The thing is, I don't even know you guys are going there, for real, then all of the sudden just ask me, I feel like no fun at all. I appreciate the offer, but now, maybe not, maybe next time. Wait till I settle the stupid mess around me, assignments.
Anyway, getting alone seems a good choice for me right now, just need to get through some rough patch on my own, get things done, and be for it. Hopefully time can cure my stupidity and emotional rough patch, I really need to get my act together and be a normal person again.
Till then,
-yeEvoN_Dutch-
No comments:
Post a Comment